and as soon as she picked up the phone my heart got all tight and the lump in my throat threatened to keep me from speaking.
When people get "old" and get a terminal diagnosis other old people say stupid things like "Ugh! You are going through with chemo??? You couldn't make me go through chemo! Doctors are the LAST ones to undergo chemo. Its just no good! What about your quality of life?". And there stands a frail woman where a once stronger one stood, fear and uncertainty in her eyes and an extra tight grip on my arms. In that moment it is obvious that no matter what another's opinion is, this woman doesn't want to die, not the way cancer makes it happen and so is willing to endure the ravages of chemo. Would I have understood if she had opted out citing a long, full life and a desire to be with Jesus sooner than later? Yes. But all my instincts say FIGHT and apparently so do hers!
I hate cancer. Is it ok to hate in this instance? My theology says that God is sovereign, even over cancer, but dang it, I hate it.
Ms. Thelma sounded great tonight. Her first spar with the chemo bag went really well. No reported nausea, no unusual fatigue. Yet. She will go at it again tomorrow and the next day. Then a 21 day reprieve. She will likely just start to feel like herself again when the next date rolls around.
My elderly friend has a sister that is her lifelong companion and friend. They even live together now in the madness of a 3 family household. And they are thrilled to have the camaraderie of each other day in and day out. It is my suspicion that even more than her own desire to live, Ms. Thelma fights for her sister's sake. She's protecting the heart of the one that is watching helplessly and desires that no sadness befall her. Such is the way of sisters.
I pray that tomorrow she still has some cheer in her voice and that the anti nausea meds have their full effect. I pray that she keeps her hair somehow and that the chemo has its way with the tumors. I pray that she will be able to attend the Seniors meeting each Tuesday regardless of what the medicine may attempt. I pray that somehow Jesus will shine through those of us who love her and we will have wisdom for when to speak and when to just hug.
***since I first wrote this last week, Ms. Thelma finished her first chemo and was hospitalized yesterday after "losing all her strength". We dont know yet what is wrong. ***
When people get "old" and get a terminal diagnosis other old people say stupid things like "Ugh! You are going through with chemo??? You couldn't make me go through chemo! Doctors are the LAST ones to undergo chemo. Its just no good! What about your quality of life?". And there stands a frail woman where a once stronger one stood, fear and uncertainty in her eyes and an extra tight grip on my arms. In that moment it is obvious that no matter what another's opinion is, this woman doesn't want to die, not the way cancer makes it happen and so is willing to endure the ravages of chemo. Would I have understood if she had opted out citing a long, full life and a desire to be with Jesus sooner than later? Yes. But all my instincts say FIGHT and apparently so do hers!
I hate cancer. Is it ok to hate in this instance? My theology says that God is sovereign, even over cancer, but dang it, I hate it.
Ms. Thelma sounded great tonight. Her first spar with the chemo bag went really well. No reported nausea, no unusual fatigue. Yet. She will go at it again tomorrow and the next day. Then a 21 day reprieve. She will likely just start to feel like herself again when the next date rolls around.
My elderly friend has a sister that is her lifelong companion and friend. They even live together now in the madness of a 3 family household. And they are thrilled to have the camaraderie of each other day in and day out. It is my suspicion that even more than her own desire to live, Ms. Thelma fights for her sister's sake. She's protecting the heart of the one that is watching helplessly and desires that no sadness befall her. Such is the way of sisters.
I pray that tomorrow she still has some cheer in her voice and that the anti nausea meds have their full effect. I pray that she keeps her hair somehow and that the chemo has its way with the tumors. I pray that she will be able to attend the Seniors meeting each Tuesday regardless of what the medicine may attempt. I pray that somehow Jesus will shine through those of us who love her and we will have wisdom for when to speak and when to just hug.
***since I first wrote this last week, Ms. Thelma finished her first chemo and was hospitalized yesterday after "losing all her strength". We dont know yet what is wrong. ***
Beautifully written my friend - from the heart of one who knows. Love you girl and keep me posted.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, my friend, it's WAY okay to hate Cancer - I hate it with all my heart!
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