Not even a wait list open this term. Not one.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick (yes. yes it does) but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Can I just be honest that I am so discouraged?
Like the kind of discouraged where I can't make myself move from this spot and put my happy face on.
Why do I want to be a nurse? Why is it so hard to just let it go? I can't even get through the pre-requisites part let alone the part where I actually pursue the "dream". So does this mean that God is shutting the door? That is, after-all, the prayer I have prayed all along,
"please God help me be as willing to let it go as I was to take it".
Yeah, that one. The protective prayer. The one I pray because I know that tomorrow is not promised and even though today I am able to go, tomorrow life may happen and change that. Its not that I am not sincere when I pray it. On the contrary, it is my lifeline. Really and truly. This little "dream" of mine is so deep seeded and tangled up in a whole big bunch of what makes me me that I can easily put a death grip on it and let it ruin me. So, yes, I HAVE to ask Him for the grace to walk away with a measure of composure and whisper all of His promises as I go.
There's a sign on my front door that I see every time I walk out and it says, "those who know God have great thoughts of God". I know God and I believe that he is great enough to plan my life without my help or input, but I am just really so disappointed...see Prov 13:12.
Today I long for the 2nd part of that verse and resolve to open my hands and let this all go.
Now, I have to go make dinner.
We love you and wait with grumbling voices and heavy hearts for God's perfect timing.
ReplyDeleteOh my friend - I am so sorry. Honestly - it just sucks!!! I pray God will place as strong a longing for something that is within your reach.
ReplyDelete