Now THAT'S what I'm talkin about!

This week was like coming home. I was nervous and hopeful, excited and fearful. The moment I took report from my RN I felt a sense of belonging.  It wasn’t like I had it all down pat or anything but it was a groove.  A feeling that confirmed again THIS is what my heart wants. All throughout the two days I had moments of sheer panic but they were teaching moments.  Honestly, I hope I never stop having those moments when my heart rate sky rockets and I have to stop and remember that these are souls I am tending, not just bodies.  Somebody loves them and they are in my charge. Sobering, but delightful. I walked away from clinicals feeling joy. Even though I had to hold my breath almost every second I was around my very smelly, but sweet, patient.  Even in the face of 6,000,000,000 things to learn and study.  Even though I have an exam on Tuesday looming. Even though I failed my med test. Even though….joy.

Thank you God for this privilege.  All I want to do is praise you. 

"...my cup overflows" Psalm 23:5

What care plan...

I am supposed to be working away on one right now.  But I am suddenly distracted and need a minute.

Its a funny thing to realize a dream. On one hand it is pure bliss. I mean, whoa, this is what I have been working for. On the other hand, it is so. so. so. hard. Wait, let me say it different. Its not hard like oh man I can't go on. Its hard like, oh man, my senses are assaulted and I'm exhausted. My life is not my own and I miss my family-even though they are about 50 ft from me in the other room.  As always, God is good.  He has guarded me from the enormity of the situation by allowing me to take in only parts at one time.  In the past 6 months I have started RN school, we have sold our house, uprooted our children from their home and moved to a completely new environment, Chad has planted a church, our oldest has gone away to college (all the way on the other coast), I left my job of 6 years and just yesterday our Emily passed her Driver's Ed class. Now, a permit test and another driver. Yeesh.

Life seems to swirl on about me.

I was reading in Mark 11 today and hearing Jesus tell me, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt it in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." So I pray for this faith. I pray that as my little family walks this road of change that Jesus will be our constant companion and best counselor. When the mountain of doubt and fear, discord and exhaustion, anxiety and frustration seems insurmountable I pray that He reminds each of us we have only believe in our hearts that what we ask will come to pass and boldly cast that mountain into the sea.  And I pray that for you too.

One week down, 68 to go...

and I have already learned a valuable lesson.  I can NEVER EVER NEVER practice any patient care on my husband.  While trying to move him from a bed to a chair he proceeded to sniff my hair, grab my fanny and offer to take me home. *sigh* So much for the finer points of safety while ambulating. I almost broke my back avoiding his advances. :)

Hopefully when I do my skills check off tomorrow, I don't have a patient that is quite that friendly. Ha!

I do adore him though.  He is the most incredible support and makes me feel like I can do this for reals. What a rich and undeserved blessing he is to me. And even though it gets said by lots of people about lots of spouses, Chad truly is the best and I am eternally grateful that he is my other half.