Life is full of them, changes. I don't mind a change or two. In fact, I elicit change sometimes just to shake things up a bit but only the kind that can be changed back in a matter of a few weeks or even months. It's the times when the change is permanent that I get a little wound up. By my way of thinking, if I am not controlling how it's happening then it just shouldn't be. Period. But God always works in a way contrary to my ideals. And his kind of change truly changes me.
This week I am packing my house. There are probably 50 boxes in the garage already (30 of which contain books). Now, I am deciding what things can be lived without for the next week and a half. That means that the 45 coffee mugs I simply CANNOT part with are now safely tucked away leaving roughly 5 to get us through the next few mornings. The decorative plates with a 1/4" thick layer of grime came down and were carefully wrapped without cleaning them first. Not sure why there was a ceramic eye glasses holder taking up any amount of space in my cabinet but it was there. That one...Goodwill. For every article I pack it seems there are 10 more. At times all I can think is, "Oh man, this is just embarrassing! What is my mom going to think when she sees how much junk I have and that I haven't cleaned the grout behind my utensil container since...EVER!?!"
It would be so much easier if things just stayed the same. Though I suppose no one ever grows when they do.
With so much happening out of my control, the temptation is to panic. But God has so graciously replaced that with peace and even excitement. Taking these huge leaps of faith have been a profound object lesson in trusting God in all things. And therein lies the blessing. Whenever the enormity of leaving our home of 11 years or the vulnerability of church planting or the sheer terror of starting nursing school - all at the same time - begins to overwhelm, I think of Isaiah 43 and "fear not for my God has redeemed me and I am his. When I pass through the waters he is with me and through the rivers they will not overwhelm me; when I walk through fire I will not be burned and the flame will not consume me. For He is the LORD my God, the Holy one of Israel, my Savior."
Are you walking through a season of change? Maybe you are having to develop a new normal because of all that is happening in your life right now. If so, Jesus cares about your weary heart and delights to be your source of strength. Let him lead you to the Rock that is higher than you and take refuge there.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
North of Here
A few years ago when the housing market "bubble" was at the point where it was just about to blow, we put our home on the market. We wanted to move closer to family. In 6 months we had a grand total of 2 realtors show our house. It was obvious that we were not going anywhere. Mind you, had we sold our house then we would have had a significant amount of money to put down on another one with quite a bit left to pay off debt, decorate a new place, etc.
To be totally truthful, I never felt free to move. But I really really REALLY wanted to. I wanted to be near my sister and my mom. I wanted to have instant access to my nieces and nephews. I wanted to be in on the spur of the moment stuff, like coffees and mani pedis. You know, the important stuff! I, I, I, I ay ay ay!
But God knows my heart. He had something better than leaving here right then - this home of 11 years, our church and friends, the kid's schools and their circle of friends. So we took our house off the market and just settled back in.
Again, I would be a bold faced liar if I tried to pretend that I didn't still want to move "home".
However, I resolved myself to the fact that Chad's call to the pastorate would likely lead us further away, not closer. So instead of stomping my feet I buckled down and prayed for grace to trust in the One who always does what's best for me. Since God is infinitely more creative and endlessly resourceful it was, at times, really exciting thinking about the possibilities of where, when and how. Exciting and terrifying. Very often those thoughts consumed me and after a while I was convinced we'd end up in Scotland or even San Diego. Ha!
Since God rarely does things according to my brilliant ideas -ok, never- it was no surprise that Chad and I were each separately approached by different individuals asking us when/if we were going to church plant just north of here. ON THE SAME DAY!
Just north of here?? Really? Not Stockton or Barstow?
You know, we had this expectation that God would drive a bus through our front door with the name of wherever he had called us emblazoned across the front. He was way more gentle than that. Phew!
So I asked, "yeah Chad, are we? and when?" He said, "let's start praying". We did. Then we started sharing our hearts with some people we trust and they started praying. With every step in that direction we have reminded each other that, "the heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
The biggest step so far, besides actually beginning the study, which we did.- has been putting our house back on the market. And we did that too. This past Friday. It's now Monday and we have had 4 offers on our home in less than 72 hours. My dear friend said it best, "I love that God doesn't believe in half measures!" And I couldn't agree more. Not only is Chad being called and confirmed in the pastorate but we are actually moving "home". That's where just north of here is.
To be totally truthful, I never felt free to move. But I really really REALLY wanted to. I wanted to be near my sister and my mom. I wanted to have instant access to my nieces and nephews. I wanted to be in on the spur of the moment stuff, like coffees and mani pedis. You know, the important stuff! I, I, I, I ay ay ay!
But God knows my heart. He had something better than leaving here right then - this home of 11 years, our church and friends, the kid's schools and their circle of friends. So we took our house off the market and just settled back in.
Again, I would be a bold faced liar if I tried to pretend that I didn't still want to move "home".
However, I resolved myself to the fact that Chad's call to the pastorate would likely lead us further away, not closer. So instead of stomping my feet I buckled down and prayed for grace to trust in the One who always does what's best for me. Since God is infinitely more creative and endlessly resourceful it was, at times, really exciting thinking about the possibilities of where, when and how. Exciting and terrifying. Very often those thoughts consumed me and after a while I was convinced we'd end up in Scotland or even San Diego. Ha!
Since God rarely does things according to my brilliant ideas -ok, never- it was no surprise that Chad and I were each separately approached by different individuals asking us when/if we were going to church plant just north of here. ON THE SAME DAY!
Just north of here?? Really? Not Stockton or Barstow?
You know, we had this expectation that God would drive a bus through our front door with the name of wherever he had called us emblazoned across the front. He was way more gentle than that. Phew!
So I asked, "yeah Chad, are we? and when?" He said, "let's start praying". We did. Then we started sharing our hearts with some people we trust and they started praying. With every step in that direction we have reminded each other that, "the heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
The biggest step so far, besides actually beginning the study, which we did.- has been putting our house back on the market. And we did that too. This past Friday. It's now Monday and we have had 4 offers on our home in less than 72 hours. My dear friend said it best, "I love that God doesn't believe in half measures!" And I couldn't agree more. Not only is Chad being called and confirmed in the pastorate but we are actually moving "home". That's where just north of here is.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Coram Deo Pres...
is her name. The church plant's name that is.
My husband has an impeccable memory...sometimes. Once in a while he affectionately reminds me of something I said like 7 million years ago and in perfect detail. Most times its stuff I forgot for good reason. I said some pretty lame things at the ripe old age of 20 and forgetfulness helps me maintain some level of self respect. Ha! So we were talking the other day about the church plant and how he is beginning to realize his dream of being a pastor. And by dream I mean calling and by calling I mean that when we were kids he asked that God make him anything but a pastor and send him anywhere but Africa.
That's right. I was hugely encouraging and supportive of the notion.
By God's grace we've both grown up a bit since then. Chad remembers less (in the best ways) and I am happy to be a pastor's wife. Truly. I realize its not the same as well equipped, but I am happy. In fact, I can't imagine being anywhere but by his side no matter his calling or where it takes him.
This is a hugely exciting time in the Hertzell House though not without its challenges. What does uprooting for church planting look like for a family with teenagers who are very cozy in the community they grew up in? What about their friends, their routine, their fabulous school? What about my friends and my coffee shop (the one that is a lot like Cheers in that they greet me by name when I walk in)?? All these questions whiz around in my head at dizzying speed until I stop and recall the promises of the One who gave his life that I might have life abundantly. Jesus, my savior, my redeemer. Sometimes its a verse we've all heard reminding me His yoke is easy and His burden is light - Matthew 11:28-30. Other times its the one where I say with Jehoshaphat "I do not know what to do but my eyes are on You" - II Chronicles 20:12. But always the peace of God's is round and about me as he daily demonstrates His care over all of us with his tender ways, whether a text message from someone who is praying or a clear pointer in a new direction.
Chad and I were overjoyed to launch the church plant last night with a great group of people who came out to begin the book study about marriage, "What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage" by Paul Tripp. It was a great beginning and we look forward to building on what we pray will be many years serving God at Coram Deo Presbyterian Church.
My husband has an impeccable memory...sometimes. Once in a while he affectionately reminds me of something I said like 7 million years ago and in perfect detail. Most times its stuff I forgot for good reason. I said some pretty lame things at the ripe old age of 20 and forgetfulness helps me maintain some level of self respect. Ha! So we were talking the other day about the church plant and how he is beginning to realize his dream of being a pastor. And by dream I mean calling and by calling I mean that when we were kids he asked that God make him anything but a pastor and send him anywhere but Africa.
Turns out God called Chad to the pastorate after all, just not in Africa.
It IS, however, in Fair Oaks and we are really happy with that.
Anyway, his memory recalled a conversation from our early years that went something like, "Hey Min, I'd really love to serve God by being a pastor" to which I replied, "I did NOT sign up to be a pastor's wife!"
That's right. I was hugely encouraging and supportive of the notion.
By God's grace we've both grown up a bit since then. Chad remembers less (in the best ways) and I am happy to be a pastor's wife. Truly. I realize its not the same as well equipped, but I am happy. In fact, I can't imagine being anywhere but by his side no matter his calling or where it takes him.
This is a hugely exciting time in the Hertzell House though not without its challenges. What does uprooting for church planting look like for a family with teenagers who are very cozy in the community they grew up in? What about their friends, their routine, their fabulous school? What about my friends and my coffee shop (the one that is a lot like Cheers in that they greet me by name when I walk in)?? All these questions whiz around in my head at dizzying speed until I stop and recall the promises of the One who gave his life that I might have life abundantly. Jesus, my savior, my redeemer. Sometimes its a verse we've all heard reminding me His yoke is easy and His burden is light - Matthew 11:28-30. Other times its the one where I say with Jehoshaphat "I do not know what to do but my eyes are on You" - II Chronicles 20:12. But always the peace of God's is round and about me as he daily demonstrates His care over all of us with his tender ways, whether a text message from someone who is praying or a clear pointer in a new direction.
Chad and I were overjoyed to launch the church plant last night with a great group of people who came out to begin the book study about marriage, "What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage" by Paul Tripp. It was a great beginning and we look forward to building on what we pray will be many years serving God at Coram Deo Presbyterian Church.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
College Bound
We made it to Chattanooga. The boys by way of Persephone and 2500+ miles. Me? Southwest.
Tomorrow we move our boy into the dorms and Saturday at noon we have to say our farewells.
Chad and I will be travelling immediately to Savannah, Georgia. This will supposedly take my mind off the fact that I am going home empty handed.
How must Hannah have felt that day she walked her Samuel to the tabernacle where Eli was priest? She submitted to the vow she made to give him back to the Lord but oh how her heart must have ached.
Monday, March 14, 2011
I wish I understood Autism better...
So far, my practical experience tells me its not unlike raising a small child except that its an adult that I am learning this from. The same types of limits have to be set, just over and over again. Reassurances and constant affirmation are necessary.
It seems that the kitchen is an excellent place to help my friend feel accomplished and proud of himself. He LOVES to bake and is thrilled to stir whatever is in the pot. He has been mostly an 8 year old boy this week; shy, unsure and self conscious. However, the weekend was a bright spot for him as he spent his first mini vacation in Tahoe. The snow sent him through the roof! His excitement was contagious and we all laughed over and over at his exclamations of "SNOW! I SNOW"!! He'd never been before.
Today, he asked me if it's true that if you are suffering then thats how you know you are doing the right thing and a blessing is about to come (a theory of some folks who weren't very nice to him). For someone who's whole life has been one never ending trial, the kind of trial that makes Job's look easy, he should have received many mansions and the greatest of riches by now. At any rate he doesn't think that theory is logical. He said, "It no make sense to me. I not in trial when God brought Foo and Fooette to me and that my blessing."
Funny...I was the one feeling blessed.
It seems that the kitchen is an excellent place to help my friend feel accomplished and proud of himself. He LOVES to bake and is thrilled to stir whatever is in the pot. He has been mostly an 8 year old boy this week; shy, unsure and self conscious. However, the weekend was a bright spot for him as he spent his first mini vacation in Tahoe. The snow sent him through the roof! His excitement was contagious and we all laughed over and over at his exclamations of "SNOW! I SNOW"!! He'd never been before.
Today, he asked me if it's true that if you are suffering then thats how you know you are doing the right thing and a blessing is about to come (a theory of some folks who weren't very nice to him). For someone who's whole life has been one never ending trial, the kind of trial that makes Job's look easy, he should have received many mansions and the greatest of riches by now. At any rate he doesn't think that theory is logical. He said, "It no make sense to me. I not in trial when God brought Foo and Fooette to me and that my blessing."
Funny...I was the one feeling blessed.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Nursing School Applicant
Yep. Thats me. After 5 years of working and waiting, today I was able to apply. It reminded me of all those early mornings standing at the edge of the pool , shivering, trying to build up the courage to dive in. Today is the part when you just do it...stretch your arms around into the closed "v" above your head and dive. Anticipation, then splash! I'm in and the water is warm. Phew!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
She's the wife of a preacher man...
*I wrote this right after Chad received liscensure in the PCA to preach. Not sure why I didn't post it then. I was, and am, so very proud of him.*
I know the song says something about being the son of a preacher man but I am claiming artistic license or whatever you call it. Probably, I should pay royalties. Still its true. Today, Im the wife of a preacher man. Sort of. Though, its really no different than two days ago when he was still preaching, just not licensed in our denomination. Either way I am so proud of him. He studied hard, tested well and answered boldly to all the questions he was asked. I keep waiting for someone to say, "um, 'scuse me...Chad, your license is revoked until you get a handle on your wife!" Ha!
There's a measure of exposure that makes me feel... well, exposed. There's no such thing as autonomy and forget sharing deep dark secrets with anyone. If that's how I feel how must Chad feel?!? Reflecting on how God has prepared us for this time I can't help but acknowledge his perfect ingenuity. Every circumstance has prepared my heart a little better and given me a broader perspective. He's always good that way. I look forward to what God has in store for us and am confident he will equip me to do what seems utterly out of my skill set.
I know the song says something about being the son of a preacher man but I am claiming artistic license or whatever you call it. Probably, I should pay royalties. Still its true. Today, Im the wife of a preacher man. Sort of. Though, its really no different than two days ago when he was still preaching, just not licensed in our denomination. Either way I am so proud of him. He studied hard, tested well and answered boldly to all the questions he was asked. I keep waiting for someone to say, "um, 'scuse me...Chad, your license is revoked until you get a handle on your wife!" Ha!
There's a measure of exposure that makes me feel... well, exposed. There's no such thing as autonomy and forget sharing deep dark secrets with anyone. If that's how I feel how must Chad feel?!? Reflecting on how God has prepared us for this time I can't help but acknowledge his perfect ingenuity. Every circumstance has prepared my heart a little better and given me a broader perspective. He's always good that way. I look forward to what God has in store for us and am confident he will equip me to do what seems utterly out of my skill set.
Milestones...
When I brought Sam home from the hospital, at approximately 18 hours old, I never even thought about 18 years later. Then he turned like...11 and its all I could think about! The regular refrain was "Holy cow! When is this madness going to be over???" Now, he's mostly charming and mostly 18. Well, 17 and a couple months anyway. I like to pretend I'm stoic and impervious to the hormonal tidal wave of the average mom but I'm just not. Every attempt at processing his departure triggers whatever brain part that pushes the tears to the surface. When did he get here? Where was I while he inched his way to manhood? Here, I guess. Anxious for the next milestone instead of savoring the one he was just in.
Tomorrow he meets with the Captain of the ROTC program for his scholarship interview. This is the game changer. This makes it real. Oh please God, don't let me cry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)